Thursday, April 28, 2011

How to make a turkey trap

Step one. Invite the neighbours over to hang out after school. The neighbours 2 doors away have 3 boys age 6,8 and 10 who could be best likened to polite, articulate siblings of Dennis the Menace, on speed. They are high energy, love animals and nature and are always scheming up a new plan of some sort. They currently have  a dog, several pet mice, a skink and tanks of numerous other creatures.

 They have whiled away hours in our backyard scaling trees, designing treehouses, building rope bridges,  loading each other into our garden wagon and doing wild laps around Betsy's perimeter and running their heads around the inside of our trampoline in order to give each other electric shocks. I LOVE them as no apologies are required for Roboboy's quirkiness and he adores them as they mastermind even better plans than he comes up with. Together the four of them make up a posse of hardcore trouble. Oh yes, because I am not their mother, they are unfailingly polite, well behaved and listen (mostly) when I tell them off. Well, otherwise they get sent home, a threat I can actually followup on.

Step two. Obtain large quantities of rope. Spend 20 minutes watching 8 year old menace attempt to throw rope up into massive tree for 10yo menace to catch. Give up on this and move on to smaller Frangipani tree. Scale this tree faster than Balinese monkey pick pocketing a tourist. Ignore own mothers reminder to only climb onto branches bigger than your own arm. Bellow requests for more rope, assistance, a box  while mother checks Private Health fund details to ensure that visits to Emergency departments for fractured limbs will be covered with no excess. Draft copy of waiver for Menace's father (solicitor) to sign to ensure any fractured Menace limbs will not lead to litigation.

Step 3.Decide on technique for trap. Emtpy ikea storage box previously full of musical instruments and percussion items. Take a break to sample all of these items simultaneously while discussing plans for a  street rock band. Wiggles guitar, Sesame street saxaphone, maracas, cymbals, tamborines, pipe whistle, recorder etc etc. Flush out neighbour with this hideous cacophany to check that there is actually adult supervision. Er, yes that would be me.
Rig up simple box on a rope type trap. Bellow further requests for seeds and puffed rice, on a dish.

Step 4.Carefully place seed tray under trap and lure unsuspecting little sisters over for a trial run. Success obtained as little sister caught under trap. Sorry, no photo. Relief as this was mutually enjoyable for all involved parties. Unsuccessfully attempt to stop little sister eating stale rice puffs from trap.

Step 5.Vigorously debate the best trajectory for the rope and required height of the trap above the tray. Pause and become quietly contemplative when asked what the plan is for the said turkey once trapped. Vigorously debate over keeping turkey as a pet or feeding it to their dog. Realize that the said turkey has not actually been seen in the yard for over an hour. Decide to first trial the turkey trap on our pet chooks instead.

Step 6. Bellow further orders to 6 yo menace and girl from across the road to lure the chooks down to this part of the yard. Realize with dismay that said chooks have found a trail of spilt seeds courtesy of little sister and have no intention of coming near the trap.

Step 7. Lose 10yo menace to Star Wars Clone Wars on TV. Lose Menace 6 to a blood nose (self inflicted). Despite rapid appearance of nightfall, Roboboy and 8yo menace settle in for whatever wait is required  to enact the trapping. Further debate over ideal height of trap and who would hold the rope. Roboboy does not give in. Almost manage to catch Dora2 under the trap while photographer is inside peeling potatoes. Agree that height of the trap does need to be modified. Plan return to trap at 0630 hours tomorrow before school to complete trapping assignment.

This post is in honour of all things BOY. I love having all this happening over here at Betsy's and the Menace's mum loves the fact that all things Menace are welcome at someone else's house. Apologies for no further painting photos, I was too busy today on a MASSIVE Op shop spree. More on that soon. Over and out.

Addendum. Apparently "Over and Out" is incorrect and obviously from watching too many MASH re- runs. Have been instructed it is just "Out" and since this post is all things boy, military accuracy is imperative. Apparently, that last sentence ruined the whole post for Legoman. Also must add on re- reading this post checking for spelling errors and giant paragraphs have realized that a turkey trap out played animated star wars o for 5-8 year old appeal. How awesome is that? I love anything that involves my kids being outside with nature and animals getting dirty. I love it more if the option of cool TV is on the plate and they spontaneously DECLINE.

For anyone with girls in the house. If you have  a trampoline with a net all around it and your girls run as fast as they can with their heads constantly touching the net, tremendous static electricity will be generated. Hairstyles will suddenly appear very 80's. Do not stand within arms reach or they may delight in zapping you with every lap.


  1. too funny! I have two boys and Iove nothing more than to see them outside for hours getting dirty, climbing and creating. Mine are REAL boys too.

  2. Ha! I LOVE IT! ...did they catch a turkey?? Or anything for that matter?

  3. Who's been watching the discovery channel or the TV ad?